Honking Like a Lame Duck

One thing I've struggled with over the last couple of days is feeling like a lame duck. I think I need to simply get over it. I've got job applications out (8, up from 5), and perhaps it's time to look at this situation as the opportunity to find a new challenge.

And The Beat Goes On ...

Today came out a bit like yesterday. Found one more job prospect, applied for it, now I wait and cross my fingers. And pray I get a good result from it or any of the other five job apps I have out now.

I spent a chunk of this evening helping out one of the cubicle mates being let go, by helping her clean up her resume prior to an interview for an internal, customer service rep job which will let her stay with the company and keep her benefits if she gets it. It made me feel a little like being on a sinking ship and helping someone into a lifeboat, wondering "who the heck (besides my fiancee) is going to help me?"

Ah well ... at least if she gets the job, I'll get a free dinner out of it. And then I'll get her workload until it's my turn to bow out.

That Lame Duck Feeling ...

Today was the first day back at work following the layoff announcement. There were a few items to take care of, but the day seemed to go by rather quickly ... a blessing, in and of itself, I guess. I told my fiancee, who does a three-day breast cancer fundraiser walk in KC, that I feel a little like she must have felt when she finished the walk: "tired, exhausted, and wondering 'what next'?".

The insurance industry is a very tightly competitive market these days, and while my company has put up a good fight, it simply doesn't have what it takes in financial resources, nor is it taking in what it should in revenues, to compete with the larger companies. I suspect that it's only a matter of time before a major chunk of my soon to be former department coworkers are eventually let go when the systems they support are eventually outsourced ... you can see the signs already.

In retrospect, perhaps it's good that I'm being cut loose now. I suspect that the troubles for my soon to be former company are just beginning; despite the company's stock price being 20 points above where it was when I first started here, the belt tightening has continued for the last few years and will probably continue long after I'm gone in terms of consolidations and staff reductions. For me, I hope that I can simply find a job that I enjoy, where I can use my skills to their fullest, and where I don't have to take a cut in income.

And The Search Begins ...

I spent today home from work (the soon to be expired job), some of it on the phone with my family, some of it checking out job listings from friends, some of it finishing the draft of a curriculum vitae (or CV), i.e., an academic version of a resume, and drafting cover letters. Lauren's been very supportive through all of this (thank God for that; I don't know if I could have faced this alone); she came up this past weekend and stayed through this afternoon. We went for some long walks ... her parents came down from Illinois and took us to dinner Friday night to celebrate.

Today we set a date for our wedding.

Tomorrow, I do more polishing on my work portfolio, put out a few more resumes. Offer up some prayers. Hope that out of all of this, the fear, uncertainty, and doubt subsides, and that something good turns up.

Pictures From Christmas ...

And here's some pictures from Christmas in Illinois with Lauren and me opening gifts ... more pics coming on CD, to be posted later.

It Was the Best of Times, It Was the Worst of Times ...

Hi everyone,

This was one of those weeks where it once again proved how quickly life can change on you. In the really good, life-altering/changing news, I'm now officially engaged. I've only told a few friends and family, and we haven't set a date yet.

In the not so good news, Friday (the 13th no less), myself and two coworkers in my workgroup were called into a meeting at HR and told that, due to a business decision (i.e., a need for more project managers, and no other money available to hire them), that the three of us were being terminated as of March 10th. It wasn't a case of work performance, but a case where they needed the warm bodies, and we got sacrificed as a result. Reactions ranged from shock to "nice while it lasted", and I immediately started shipping my resume out online, and checked off with my internal and external contacts to see what jobs were out there. I'd kinda been expecting this since October.

They're giving us decent severence packages, and at least giving us a few months to prepare, rather than giving us the boot immediately. I'll likely survive, and it may open up new options for Lauren and myself in terms of living together, but now I'm worried about the two coworkers, who weren't prepared for the situation, are now scrambling, and who both have (or will have, after this year), have kids in college.

I hope we all find good places to land.

Where I've Been ...

Hi everyone,

Quite a few of my friends have asked me why I haven't updated my blog in the last few months (since mid-September), and a lot of it has been due to changes in my life ... some positive, some needing a bit of my time and effort to address ....

On the "needing a bit of my time and effort to address" side, let's just say that there was some unpleasantness at my current job, which put me in an uncomfortable position and forced me to look at my career options. That's as far as I want to go with that description, given that other people read this, some of whom may be coworkers, and I want to stay on good terms with them, regardless of what happens.

For the positive changes ... let's just say that since the holidays, I've been seriously involved in a long-distance relationship with a wonderful woman named Lauren (see the pic) ; we've hit it off very well, and I've already met her parents over Christmas in Illinois (and they and the rest of her family likes me ... yay!). We're looking at our long-term options for now. I'd say more, but as she hasn't met my side of the family yet, there's something I have to hold off on saying until then. Suffice it to say that it is serious between us, and I love her. We even have pet names for each other: I'm her Gingercat (because of my playful nature) and she's my Cheshirekitty (because of her smile) ... (yeah, I know, it's hokey ... so there). I've included a link to her blog at the side (she hasn't updated hers either, but that's because we've been spending a lot of weekends together as of late, as well as the holidays).

So that's what's new with me ... it's been an eventful couple of months. I'll write more as I know (or can reveal) more ....

Finally ...

After getting nothing but voicemail for two days, I finally got word that everyone in the family made it out of Houston and is safe. Mom is in Waco, while the rest of the family is in Dallas. I can finally breathe a sigh of relief.

Oh Boy ...

And it gets better. Rita is now a Cat. 2 hurricane and may become a Cat. 4 by the time it reaches landfall. Ahead of that, mandatory evacuations have been ordered, so my family in Houston will have to evacuate ... Mom will go to San Antonio or Waco, while the rest of the family is heading to Dallas after boarding up the home.

Sigh ... Not Again ;-(

As some of you know (or may not), part of my family (sister, brother in law, and niece) lives south of Houston, TX, between Houston and Galveston. According to my sister, Tropical Storm Rita is predicted to strengthen to a hurricane (possibly a Category 3) and the current storm track (if it turns into a hurricane and stays one through the weekend), indicates that it may hit landfall at Galveston and continue northward right through the area that my family lives.

If they're fortunate, it veers east and hits elsewhere, and they're looking at bad weather: heavy storms and maybe some tornadoes. If they aren't, then it would mean evacuation farther north before the hurricane hits.

Unfortunately, there are some complications: Mom has some acute-care issues that need monitoring and meds, so she would be moved with her nursing home's residents to a sister facility in San Antonio. Adding to that, sis is also expecting later this weekend and they will have their hands full with that; they would likely evacuate to my other sister's place south of Fort Worth.

This has been one of these years ....

Carrying Your Candle (aka, Going to Light Your World)

A day or so ago in the local newspaper, one of the editorial columnists wrote a thought-provoking piece to compare the circumstances in New Orleans to what would have happened here, if we had had a hurricane-like disaster. FYI, Des Moines actually came quite close (anyone remember the Midwest floods back in 1993?) But in the space of a few paragraphs, he painted a grim picture. And to be honest, a disaster may be something we'll experience here in the Midwest 50 years' hence; not everyone realizes it, but the central Midwest may (at least, according to the prognosticators), be the site of a major earthquake, due to the New Madrid faultline.

This has been one of those weeks where it's been hard to look for the positives. Between watching the toll from Hurricane Katrina on the news and hearing of friends' personal losses (from Katrina and otherwise), it's been hard not to encounter someone who has lost someone or something dear to them, or who has lost everything. And this Sunday marks the 4 year anniversary of 9/11. I don't think any of us can truly say we understand what the survivors have been through, unless we have experienced it ourselves.

Looking for the bright spots, this Wednesday, I was practicing a piece I'll be singing in church Sunday. Called "Go Light Your World", it has this lyric: "There is a candle ... in every soul. Some brightly burning. And some dark and cold. And there is a spirit. That brings a fire. Ignites a candle. And makes us whole." For all the horror that we've seen on the media, for all of the political bungling, we've also seen giving on a scale not seen since 9/11. It's not a red state/blue state issue. It's not a Bush-hater issue. It's a human issue. In the years since 9/11, I have seen our country fragmented by soulless politics, by religous fundamentalism, by narrow- mindedness bordering on economic and racial prejudice, and by a dwindling share of compassion for others. It is my prayer and hope that for once, we see less politicizing, less divisiveness, and more compassion, and that our compassion for those in need, our candles that in recent years seem to have almost been snuffed out, are reignited and remain brightly lit.

Labor Day Weekend

Hi all, just taking the time out from the weekend to post. Weekend's been great so far; mini golf with a friend on Sunday, followed by a local blues festival downtown. This afternoon, I'm going casual at the grill. I did have a line on a new-agey gathering, but that didn't pan out.

Planet of the Apes

I was looking at a story online this morning ... two, actually, which when paired together, underscore the tragic nature of extinction:

1. Geneticists have recently discovered that a very small portion of DNA (about 26,000 bits, I believe), separates chimps from humanity, and that both chimps and humans share 99% of our active genetic material.

2. According to environmentalists, within a single generation we could see the near-extinction of the great apes and certain breeds of chimpanzees in the wild due to human encroachment (logging and habitat removal, hunting, and the onset of Ebola, which can be transmitted to them).

I know in the greater scheme of things, we have other concerns (the ongoing war in Iraq, the economy and rising prices, caring for the survivors of Hurricane Katrina) which are pressing, but it saddens me that we've discovered how close we are to another species and, at the same time, are now just realizing how poorly we have done by them.

Allez Cuisine!

I'm home this evening watching one of my few TV show must-watches: Iron Chef. Only the Japanese could make gourmet cooking a competitive sport. Tonight's surprise ingredient for the competition (ie., the "battle") is "Sea Urchin". I'm not sure what amazes me the most: the improbable combinations of ingredients, or that somehow, Chairman Kaga managed to stay so slim after tasting all 2,500 different dishes brought before him during the show's run.

Lions and Tigers and Bears (Not Really)

I was taking a look at my blog so far, and noticing with envy that my blog template didn't have a few things I saw and liked from other blogs, like space for additional links, and a cleaner design, so with some quick browsing and some edits, I've slapped a new face on the ol' blog this evening, after enjoying an interesting afternoon at the local zoo. (No, I wasn't an occupant ...).

Okay, I'm ashamed to admit it, but I've lived here for 6 years, and I haven't been to the local zoo once, so when a friend wanted to go see the new baby camel (born a week ago and quite cute to look at), I shrugged and joined her. What followed was a fascinating afternoon of checking out the animals (everything from the sea lions, to snow chimpanzees, to the aforementioned lions and tigers and baby camel, named Charlie), and an interesting philosophical discussion about keeping animals in zoos. On one hand, the discussion went, it would be really nice if these animals could be kept in or returned to their natural habitats. On the other, for some of these animals, a return to the wild would lead to an untimely death at the hands of a poacher. At the end, we agreed that at least in a zoo environment, they would be well cared for medically, would be fed well, and would have a better shot at surviving than out in the wild.

And Now For Something Completely Different ...

For something completely different, I'm going to let my closet sci-fi fan come out and play ... growing up, I missed out on the phenomenon that was Star Trek, with the exception of reading the James Blish novelizations of original series episodes (bear in mind, this was way before the era of tape and DVD). But I managed to make do with syndicated episodes of Space: 1999, and later on, PBS repeats of Doctor Who and Red Dwarf, shows such as Incredible Journey (a short-lived series set in the Bermuda Triangle that disappeared just as quickly), and Battlestar Galactica, as well as the original Star Wars and later, Buck Rogers. Finally, leading up through '79, the Trek movies kept me occupied until the resurgance of sci-fi on TV in the late 80s and 90s, with various incarnations of Trek, X-Files, Babylon 5, Farscape, and Stargate, now leading up to shows such as Firefly and the recent reimaging of Battlestar, which has made me consider why I like sci-fi. I guess I've always been a dreamer. Growing up, I wanted to be an astronaut, and I always seemed to identify with being "out there". Being one of the few Asian-mixed ethnic kids in a rural Southeast Kansas community, one became painfully aware of being "different", and I found my solace at the local library. I also had an innate fascination with technology and history, having grown up reading books like "Tom Swift", and Richard Scarry's Busytown series, as well as David Maculay's architecture and construction books: "Cathedral", "Castle", and "Pyramid", and in both the past and the future, I could see and visit places far away to remind me that there was more to the world than just the place I called my home.

End of Rant ... Back to Some Introspective Thoughts ...

Okay, end of rant (EOR). And on to some commentary about other matters in the news:
President Bush said on Wednesday terrorists had converged on Iraq and that pulling U.S. troops out "would only embolden them".

Now before you criticize me as a left-wing liberal, hear me out. I support the troops, and I agree that we have made some progress in giving the Iraqi people a better way of life, laid the groundwork for democracy, and started rebuilding their infrastructure (despite the excesses and waste of a certain company who shall remain nameless). But at what cost have we given the Iraqi's what they have gotten? It grieves me to see our military ground down on a yearly basis in a country where, despite the gains we've made, we've put our troops in harm's way because the justifications for the war have repeatedly shifted as the evidence for them has turned up empty. We ignored the risks (which were identified), prior to going to war, and we made some very bad assumptions about the conditions in Iraq following it, one of which was assuming that when the war was over, the fighting would be over as well and the troops could be brought home immediately.

Our situation in Iraq is rather like the story of the monkey that reached into a jar to grab a handful of nuts. Unfortunately, in grabbing a handful, the monkey realized he couldn't pull his fist out of the jar. Likewise, we've created a situation where we have no choice but to stay the course in Iraq; to leave now would likely lead to further destabilization and probably civil war. But we'll pay a price for what we've started.

The Sad State of Dating, Pt. 2

Just an additional thought or two to add to the previous post: I know that some people are busy with their lives, and that I understand completely. But when I invest time in getting to know someone and doing things with them, it's a little frustrating when that effort and investment isn't returned, or it stops getting returned. Oh yeah ... I may have given everyone the impression that I'm a little desperate in my search for a relationship. Desperate, not hardly. I enjoy my own company and have done so before. But there are some events that are best shared, and it's frustrating when you see people make promises (ie., to spend time with you or do things with you), that they don't keep and don't even share a good reason why. I wouldn't treat them that way, so why do people make promises and then fail to follow through on them? There's an insensitivity I've seen that, frankly, makes me glad that some of the people I've encountered I didn't get into a relationship with. After all, if that's how they're going to treat me online, how are they going to treat me in person?

The Sad State of Dating in Des Moines

Tonight's post is going to be a bit of rant. For awhile, I've had a personals ad up on a dating service called Match.com, and if anything, I've discovered a few things that really make me question the $24.95 a month I pay for it. Don't get me wrong. There are some wonderful people on there, and I've made some great friends off of it. (Lauren, Anne, Ann, Angie, Jenny, Megan, Martha, Kristi, you know who you are). But I've discovered a few trends which don't speak well for some of the women I've encountered on the site: 1)Some of them are seeking relationships when they shouldn't be, or have issues that need some serious self-work and, left unresolved, are not conducive to a good relationship. I had one case where someone I'd gone out with told me that they "weren't good with relationships" and pointed out that they didn't even have a pet or a roommate (even though they were on the site and looking!). 2)Some of them play insecure head games, or are dishonest with me, even if they don't realize it or not. Witness the women on the site who "wink" at me to express interest or at least go so far as exchanging an e-mail, but then suddenly disappear for no reason that I can discern. Then there are the women who swear that they're tired of the guys they run into on the service or dating in general, but then you see them right back on the site actively looking. 3)A few of them are extremely superficial and picky. I have had several cases where someone simply stopped communicating with me after swapping pics. Add it all together, and it makes me wonder if I'm ever going to meet someone who shares some common interests and might be open to an honest relationship. At this point, something a friend once told me is coming back to me now: it's their loss, and it's all a numbers game.

Naked Corn Dogs, etc.

The ISP tech finally showed up this morning to check the interior wiring and signal levels, and after about 45 minutes of redoing cable connects and also rehooking me up to the building splitter, determined that he'd done everything he could. It looks like things have improved ... internet's staying up, seems a little faster, and even the cable picture seems improved, so he's done his job, and I can resume adding to this blog.

It's been an interesting week, so far ... with the 'net down, I've taken the opportunity to get out and about, and had a really good time with friends at the Iowa State Fair (the only State Fair that's had both a musical and movie made about it), made a few new friends, watched some familiar musical acts (including a really wonderful "Stomp meets touring band" called "Vocal Trash" out of Texas), and managed to stay away from most of the good but not good for you Fair food. It amazes me that they somehow manage to find something new to deep-fry every year, from the deep-fried Twinkies and Snickers bars, to the "naked" corn dog this year ( a deep-fried hot dog minus the corn dog breading), and also find something new to put on a stick (pork chops, spaghetti and meatballs, etc.). The official Fair website is http://www.iowastatefair.org, if you're curious.